The Year the Kitchen God Was Angry

The Kitchen God was angry. It was nearly time for his report to the Jade Emperor and the entire village was misbehaving. His report must be bad, bad, bad! No one had thought to prepare his farewell dinner, or secure a ride to Heaven for him. What a mess. Angrily, Ong Tao jumped up from the hearth and strode through the town until he reached the city gates. 

There, over the gates, stood the stone lion dogs, proudly guarding the city. But look, their eyes were closed. They were sound asleep!

“No wonder the city was falling to wrack and ruin,” the Kitchen God thought. “Wake, up, you miserable curs!” he shrieked. 

Starting guiltily at the sound, the male dog, Thanh, opened his eyes to match his wide open mouth. Cautiously, Huong, the female, opened her eyes, too, and then gently nudged her pup awake.

In thunderous tones, the Kitchen God continued to scold the lion dogs, who bowed their heads in shame. At last, Thanh whined, “What shall we do?” 

“You must blow a big noise,” the Kitchen God demanded. “Now! And rid the town of the evil spirits which are making the people misbehave. They are lying, stealing, and fighting. They are gossiping and lazy. Nothing is getting done and it’s nearly time for me to leave for Heaven to make my report to the Jade Emperor. They should finish those preparations and then get ready so they can eat Tet. There is very little time left, so when you finish I will send Holy Dancer to remind the people of their responsibilities.”

With that, the Kitchen God stomped angrily back to his place on the hearth.

Thanh opened his big mouth even wider and began to blow a big noise to rid the town of the evil spirits who were making the people misbehave. At the mighty sound, the people covered their ears, and the evil spirits began to wail and moan as they left the town. At last all was quiet.

Then, just as the Kitchen God had promised, Holy Dancer came through the city gates. She began a rhythmic dance, bending and swaying and singing in her high, clear voice. Her song reminded the people of all the many things that they needed to send off the Kitchen God on his journey and to prepare to eat Tet. When she finished, Holy Dancer glided out the gates and back to Heaven. 

At that, the people looked at the calendar. It was the twenty second day of the twelfth month and nothing had been done. “Aiyiyi,” they all began to shriek and wail. “Tomorrow the Kitchen God leaves to make his report. His dinner is not ready, there is no fine mount for him to ride, and none of the preparations for Tet have been made. We are lost! His report will be bad, bad, bad. We can never get ready in time.” Then all the people of the entire town sat down and began to cry.

Seeing this, Huong, the female lion dog on the city gates, put her paw on the head of her pup. “Now we must do our job,” she told her child. She opened her big mouth wide, and she began to blow a soft noise across the village to call in good spirits. Hearing it, the people stopped their crying and moved close together. At last, one young girl jumped up.

“Alone, we could never hope to be ready,” she said. “For each person to try and finish the many things necessary to send off the Kitchen God and prepare to eat Tet would be foolish. We couldn’t do that in time. But if we work together, I believe we can get ready. We must at least try! Otherwise the New Year will be full of sadness and bad luck. Yes, we must work together as friends.”

The people took a vote and elected a cheerful guy as their leader. With his big round tummy and wide smile, he looked surprisingly like what they imagined their own Kitchen God would look like if he came to life and went about the village as a man. Immediately, he began to issue orders. 

The cheerful guy pointed to a fisherman. “You,” he said, “Go and catch a beautiful carp so the Kitchen God will have a suitable mount for his ride to Heaven. Make certain you catch one with big eyes to see well where he is going, and with golden scales to be beautiful for the Kitchen God.”

The fisherman scurried off to do the Cheerful Guy’s bidding. 

Next he turned to an old woman, a young girl, and an old hunter. “Go and work together to catch and cook some fat frogs and good fish in your basket, that we may make a suitable dinner for the Kitchen God to thank him and send him on his way to Heaven. We can only hope he will forget our bad actions and make a good report about us to the Jade Emperor.”

Then the Cheerful Guy turned to the drummer. Imperiously, he waved his fan at the boy as he instructed him, “Go quickly into the city and get some incense, some paper hats and boots and some wine and gold coins that we can put on the Kitchen God’s altar. We must try and help him, and all the household gods, forget our foolishness and quarreling by bringing him fine gifts. Then go into the woods and practice your drumming so it will be perfect for Tet as we usher in the New Year. Tomorrow, when the Kitchen God leaves, I myself will replace the stones around the hearth so a new one will greet him on his return.”

The people did as the Cheerful Guy commanded. The following day, they served a big farewell dinner in honor of the Kitchen God, then burned his paper gifts and released a beautiful golden carp into the river to impress him with their kindness, and to provide a regal mount for his ride to Heaven.

Then the Cheerful Guy put on a big mandarin hat and addressed the people. Once again they all thought he looked just like the Kitchen God.

“Dear people,” he began, “We are not finished with our work. Now we must prepare to eat Tet. Alone, we could never hope to accomplish all the things that need to be done. But together, working in friendship, we can!”

The old woman and the old man began to clean and scrub the houses. When they finished with their own homes, they went and cleaned the houses of their neighbors.

When the little drummer had finished practicing in the woods, he cut some tall bamboo poles and made a cay neu, or Tet tree, for every home in the village. He hung talismans for good luck to dangle in the wind, and on the top he placed a paper symbol of yin and yang, and a colorful paper carp flag to blow in the wind. Then he went and set one in everyone’s front yard.

When the fisherman finished catching a long string of good fish, enough to share with everyone, he and the young girl went to the Tet market. All the villagers had given them some money to purchase the rest of the things needed to prepare for Tet. First they bought a miniature kumquat bush full of bright orange fruit and a few green ones for each home to represent the wish for wealth in the coming year. The fruit, flowers, and leaves of the plant represent grandparents, parents, children and grandchildren, so the tree symbolizes many generations.

The fisherman and the young girl stopped roving vendors on bicycles to buy beautiful flowering branches to decorate the homes. They chose bright golden color branches of the mai apricot for the homes in the South part of town, and soft rose colored dao peach flowers to brighten up the homes in the North part of town. As they shopped, they gaily wished everyone “Chuc Mung Nam Moi!” They purchased sugared fruits, tea, and the delicious steamed rice cakes banh chung and banh ngot.

At last, the Cheerful Guy called the drummer. He told him to beat his drum for attention, and call a halt to all the activity. Surprisingly, everything was done and all were ready to go to their homes and eat Tet with their families and friends. In their clean, well decorated homes smelling of sweet incense and the flavorful odor of festive foods, the families invited their ancestors, prayed, and welcomed the New Year with peace and harmony.

In Heaven, the Kitchen God hastily scribbled his report just as he was stepping before the Jade Emperor. It said, “This year, my village has learned the spirit of co-operation and the blessings of friendship.”

Chuc Mung Nam Moi!

Ann wrote this story as a gift to her friend Caroline, one of the founders of the Catalyst Foundation. This foundation works to improve the lives of orphaned and abandoned Vietnamese children, and to be a catalyst for positive change for the children of Vietnam. You may visit their website at: http://www.catalystfoundation.org/